To all those who still check in on my site and me occiansly, I’m glad to say i am back. But I am back with a different perspective on life and myself. Over these last few months I have had a severe identity issue and have been stuck in my own mind. A a kid I always dreamt of being the age I am now. The freedom and experiences I was going to have and how they would shape me into the future that was predestined for me. But things are much different now.
The world is cruel place. The hardships you face will test your patience with society and your circumstances. I know I always ask myself, “What did I do?” “What is it that I did to this world do deserve such treatment?” “What can i do to fix the mistake I made?”. But you see, it’s just it. I was obsessed with my mistakes. It was always my fault and there is nothing I can do about it. Then I went real dark and came to the conclusion, it wasn’t the world, it was me.
It’s taken me day and night to never go back to that place. It shook every nerve in my body.
I couldn’t help myself, the human brain has abilities we can’t even begin to comprehend. All we can do is theorize about what we are really capable of. Upon this realization I felt a change in my self. I am at a point in my life where the decisions I make actually impact the future of not just myself but my family and friends. To have such a weight, I felt like I was being crushed.
Trying to find yourself after losing yourself in the ‘real world’ is like finding a pin in a haystack. Plus, you can’t help but to compare yourself to everyone and everything in some way or shape and that is something I personally am starting to realize that we all have our bodies and while there are many way to change them, why do so? We weren’t put on this earth to be exact copies of a single idea of beauty. It’s really quite liberating, being able to look myself in the mirror be happy with the reflection.
It’s the little moments in life, and that is what I have and do focus on. The only thing I can’t think of to relate it to is an episode from one of my personal favorite TV shows of all time, The Office. It is when Jim and Pam are on the way to Niagara Falls where they are getting married and Pam tell Jim that her Aunt gave her a fun tip for the wedding. That the two should take mental snip its of the event, then they both say a cute line and use there hands a cameras to take a mental snip it of each other.
The point here is, I am starting to add to my mental snip its. Like a drive my boyfriend and I took recently, just to pick up pizza after a very hard day and the sky was pink, it was a warm afternoon. We had all the windows down with Atlas in the back. His little nose sticking out the window and the song Better With You by Mitchl came on and I looked over at him and it was like time had slowed and we were in the old movie. The pure contentment and joy I felt flood my body brought me back to reality.
Life will kick your ass and a lot of people have it better off than you but screw it. Life is what you make of it and no matter what your past was or who you wanted to be in the future, always remember that you are breathing. Life is all around you and it up to you to take it on or to watch it fly by.
Also, the site will be a little different. All the art work up for sale still it and there will be more added to it, with a few surprises in store.